Ugh.

Well in my old blog I would write about my emoness every single day of my life and I would constantly use the term "fml." Also, most of my posts were blocked because they were just so emo I couldn't show them to the world, or the world wasn't ready for them. So today, I was forced to go Cpo (If you have followed you would know this place is another name for hell) and well do things I hate doing, like being told what to do by fob parents and also, being the object of strangeness by all the cpo clones there. So I kind of fell. Okay it was huge embarassing fall. And yes I was laughing, actually histerically only to find out that the "cool" kids or the "skinny talented" kids were making fun of my fall. Well I took it in. It's like I am totally used to being publically humiliated. Also, tita perly kept talking me reminding me of my past hells in cpo, only to make me cry. Which means I was publically humilated twice! And crying in front of people, especially people that like to see you cry is the worst! So I totally hid behind some black curtains, took my book of random, some japanese green tea and wrote one of the best emo notes I have ever written in my life. It's 2 pages in total, and its basically about public humiliation and self esteem. I came up with this cool thing about self esteem, and how my self esteem is described. Okay. So look at your cellphone. You see the bars of serivce? Well, you know when you places sometimes your service will be high and full, and sometimes it'll be low that you cannot not receive calls or that text message won't send. Or if the place you really are is that bad, then you have no serivce at all. Well that is like my self esteem. When I am by myself in my room looking at my wall, I have full self esteem. When I am at school it's probably half. And when I am at cpo there is nothing. Just like no service. Great isn't it? I think in way we all have self esteem problems, and its caused by yourself and other people. I just think we let other people get the best of us and we cannot control our feelings anymore and you feel like a piece of shit. Also, I am quite sad that my chances of going to Belgium are running low. And I really really really really really really x infinty want to go to Belgium!