Don't cook anything!

{everytime you look at me I wish I was her.}
So my parents are going out tonight for their valentines day date. And their going to a buffet and my moms really excited and I think my dad is too! Since they can't do anything tomorrow because since they are so commited cpo, unfortunetly their children aren't (jenn & jess) they have to do some bingo shit till late! Which means me & my sister are home alone till late. But we both don't have friends, so it's basically going to be my sister, jayjay, and me. Unless I go to orange girl's house. (love you!) So yes. That is valentines day right there! It's lovely isn't it?

Friends? We all have them, in a way. But I think friends are only an illusion to make it seem like there's someone there or to make you feel good about yourself thinking their are people out there who love you besides your family because they have to love you! And for me, I think friends are only a mere illusion. Because sometimes their there. Key word: Sometimes. And other times, their not. Which leads me to think, what is a friend? Are they people you hang out with? Are they people that have common interest? Are they people you get shitfaced with? Are they people that you use just so your not lonely? What are friends? And then besides friends they come up with a new category called close friends, then best friends. If you don't even know what friends are then what the hell are close friends and best friends?! Why make something such as a friends difficult? Honestly. Well let's examine this. Are bestfriends people you grew up with? Are bestfriends nice?

As for me, I really truly beleive I grew apart from friends or whatever that means. I have grown apart in, fashion, music, weight, schools, etc. Basically everything! So those people (yes people because they are not friends) have nothing to say to me! They can't converse with me because I really feel I have grown out of their level. I no longer care about guys and when I see a hot guy in the hallway I don't follow him yell his name and hide in the bathroom and laugh. I'm not in grade 9 anymore. I no longer, wear make up to school everyday to try to get those guys I thought were hot to notice me. I'm not in grade 9! I no longer wear heavy earrings that basket balls can go thru them. No. I'm not in grade 9. In a way I have grown much faster then these people, because I saw everything differently. Although I always different, a part of me didn't feel like I belonged here in Milton. I just couldn't. The things that were holding me back were because of you people. You wouldn't let me escape you. Now I have, and I am upset that you guys can't even invite me to anything anymore. It's funny because I remember every weekend I would always be out. Ha, look at me now. I actually aknowlodge the fact that I play piano and I have fallen in love with the piano all over again. You people made me feel ashamed admitting that I sang Broadway songs, and played classical music on the piano like I was retard when I actually liked doing that stuff! And you people call me emo because I have a blog where I write all my anger in. I'm not in grade 9 anymore. I'm not at Bishop Reding anymore. I am no longer a Milton cattie. I am no longer the wanna be black girl, or the wanna be prep. Yes I have admitted my prepness, my blackness, my jealousy, issues.

nts: Civies day tuesday, LOOKBOOK PICS YO!
Another typical Friday night - 20/20, piano tingsssss, stalk people, and write about how much I hate people. Life is great!